All posts by eachnee

a fish, a dog, and a tough nut

some things never seem to make sense together, unless you put them all inside a funny afternoon called “going to take photos of an organic avocado farm.”

20 some acres on the top of a hill in Camarillo, the farm has mostly avocados but they also grow citrus, cherimoyas, plums and heirloom apples. their dog Astro is on nature’s Avoderm – he mows like 5 avocados a day, but only the really smushed ones. it’s like veggie roadkill.
and then there’s our dog, who ignores the land o plenty around her and goes instead to greet the bees:

after a walk around the farm (including a little spying on the property next door—noticeably weed free thanks to Roundup), a little knife-wielding tussle between Mr. Farmer and Mrs. Farmer, some scientific Brix testing of grapefruit (theirs reached 11, their neighbor’s a paltry 7.5), we arrive at homemade Ume wine:

and fresh macadamia nuts.

apparently if bees have too many macadamia flowers they will become toxic bees and in turn produce toxic honey. good thing there’s some billion avocado flowers to keep them otherwise occupied.
apparently there is less than one percent of the world’s avocado growers doing what they are doing in terms of bio-agriculture. they have ladybugs, snail eating snails, slug sliming slugs, and an “energy pyramid.” they’re trying to figure out how coyotes, gophers and the weird snake-lizard fit into their ecosystem as well.
they also have the skinny about the other farmers at the market – who’s not a farmer, who’s selling someone else’s fruits and veggies, who’s got a fishy certificate. oy.

in and out storm

while the east coast deals with its “Snowmaggedon,” we get (along the 14 freeway near Acton, anyway) a rather on and off storm, big raindrops followed by small patches of sun. it’s like going through the MooGooGaiPan tunnel, only bigger.

start by driving INTO the storm:

stop at your friendly double-double In and Out burger:

come out to sunny skies on the other side:

self-portrait with nose smears

in the spirit of the new economy we had a rush job this week to design and produce a presentation for our client’s meeting with an unnamed prime minister of an unnamed country. our client is in Washington DC, so we were asked to Fed Ex the presentation one day early, so as to avoid any delays due to the coming “Snowmaggedon.” they kept telling us “planes will be shut down,” and “it’s all over the news,” and in one of those weird phone call lulls, i happened to mention we losers in Los Angeles were also expecting a storm on Friday. “Oh really?” asked the client. “Yes,” i said. “Well… with less drama.”

nice client, nice presentation, nice rainy afternoon in the park thanks to finishing the job one day early.

mat zapper

an “E-normous” mat zapper has suddenly appeared—happy 2010—in the hallway at my local yoga place, and around the corner near the tank tops and herbal tea is its companion, a 50-gallon bucket of Purell wipes. The mat zapper says it’s an “Ultra-Violet yoga mat sanitizer” for authorized personnel only, but the Purell wipes are free.


with the appearance of these large objects dedicated to squashing bacteria the message that is highlighted (way more than breathe/surrender/peace/namaste) is just how gross and dirty yoga places really must be. in other words, it gets you looking. before the mat zapper, the ropes were simply “dark,” the corners of the rooms “well-shellacked,” and the mats “just a little sticky.” now the bar has been raised. something “sanitized” this way comes and now everything must be measured against that. yeah, think about ole zappy before you put your face in that blanket.

and talk about single-usage appliances… i can’t figure out how to get even a chopstick UV’d on that thing.

Boston’s third album

in high school my brother and i had a friend named Dean who was obsessed (on alternating weeks) with brown dogs and when Boston’s third album was coming out. in those days OCD was rarely diagnosed, especially in New Mexico, and we took his did-i-lock-the-car did-i-lock-the-car did-i-lock-the-car neurosis in stride, like we did his musical odes to brown dogs. Boston had just finished their 7xPlatinum second album and every station in New Mexico promised a soon-to-be-released THIRD album followed by a visit to Tingley Auditorium. the wait for poor Dean grew from two years (the unfathomable time that had elapsed between the first and the second album) to forever, where we all got a little older and went to college and forgot (at least me) about the whole thing. only every time i hear a Boston song (which is every half hour in New Mexico, and i just spent two weeks there) i always think i should google to see if that third album ever came out.“So many people have come and gone…Their faces fade as the years go by…”

today i finally did it (ok, truth is that i heard a Foreigner song, which reminded me of Boston) and discovered lo! that third album did come out! whoa! 8 years!

and so here, 20+ years later, is my ode to Dean. Boston and a brown dog: pure love. pure love.

i told you so

ever since the Northridge earthquake in 1994 i have had the fear of being inside a porta pottie, peeing into the plastic echo… and then along comes an aftershock, a giant gust of wind, or shockwaves from an asteroid crashing into the moon and BOOM! down goes the porta pottie on its side. and that’s BOOM! on the side that the door is located, mind you. so not only am i trapped inside, sloshing around, but there’s no way out other than through the roof. check those ventilator shafts!

ha ha ha everyone says, it’s not going to happen. relax, all my friends tell me. (meanwhile i’ve written a huge book about this very thing happening to the CEO of the world’s most popular ice cream company.)

so today at Drummond Ranch where our pups do their sheepherding i find out that during the storm last week the wind BLEW the porta pottie over on its side, BOOM! Ha! SEE??

the noise spooked one of the horses so badly it freaked/bolted/had a kanipshit and did this number to the fencing.

notice the amazing view beyond, snow capped peaks!

in search of terrain

after 2 weeks of blowy snowy conditions in NM, two days traveling in the car, ten-foot high snow drifts in Flagstaff, dinner at Bun Boy, Barstow, and getting busted by the LAPD, we are back in LA in search of the bowl of posole, the hot sopapilla and the quiet forested arroyo for taking pups on their morning walks.

some friends recommended Bronson Canyon to us but they failed to say how cool it looks! there’s altitude, bat caves and SHADE!

but let’s not get carried away. can’t forget this is LA afterall.

art on/with

a few years ago an artist friend of mine moved to Oregon from Los Angeles slightly against her will and best judgment. after several gloomy months she developed a severe small-town depression and started admiring the local gourds. not wanting to be a crafts-fair artist she starting painting the gourds rather than ON them, but this soon turned into a really big worry: what, then, is the difference between painting a gourd and painting on a gourd? really.
and so, here’s the rice farmer’s answer to Rykovanov’s portrait of Pushkin en riz.